


Going Back to the Start

by showkifamily



Series: Songfic [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Heartbreak, M/M, Showki, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:49:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28085730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/showkifamily/pseuds/showkifamily
Summary: Hyunwoo realized he had took Kihyun's love for granted
Relationships: Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Series: Songfic [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058930
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	Going Back to the Start

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic inspired by Coldplay- The Scientist lyric

_"Come up to meet you,_ _  
Tell you I'm sorry,  
You don't know how lovely you are."_  
  
Each steps he took were heavy. Yet he is here. In front of his lover’s house, planning to beg for forgiveness. Minutes passed, but he still stood there, contemplating whether he should really knock on the yellow painted door. Hyunwoo chuckled. His lover loves the color yellow. The color Hyunwoo hates the most, yet Hyunwoo always feels happy to see it on his lover. His small figure looks even cuter with that bright color. He was lovely. He is still lovely.

  
_"I had to find you,  
Tell you I need you,  
Tell you I set you apart."  
  
_

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“Hyunwoo, what are you doing here?” The man he wanted to see greeted Hyunwoo by the door. Hyunwoo finally brace himself to face his lover.

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“Hi, Kihyun. How are you?” Hyunwoo hates small talk. Yet that’s the only sentence he can manage to say.

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“Hyunwoo, what are you really doing here?” as if he can read Hyunwoo well, Kihyun didn’t even bother to response to Hyunwoo’s simple question.

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His eyes avoid Kihyun’s the moment he here the question. Feeling embarrassed of himself, but he was determined to say it.

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“I’m sorry, Ki. What what I did. For pushing you away from my life. I need you, ki. Please forgive me” Hyunwoo’s stoic personality was cracked. For the first time in their 7 years relationship, Hyunwoo cried in front of Kihyun. He doesn’t know if Kihyun noticed, but he is a mess without the younger. His looks scruffy. The CEO Son Hyunwoo who always looks dapper in suit, now looks like a drug addict. His cheeks hollowed, dark circles around his eyes, hair disheveled, he didn’t even bother to change his clothes from last night. He needs Kihyun. He is a mess without him.

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_"Tell me your secrets,_ _  
Ask me your questions,  
Oh, let's go back to the start."_  
  


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Hyunwoo sat on Kihyun’s white couch, sipping a cup of chamomila tea the latter had given him. Hyunwoo would always prefer coffee, but a cup of chamomile tea always calm him down, and Kihyun knows that.

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“You didn’t tell me you resign from your office” Hyunwoo muttered, staring at the younger who is fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

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“why should i?” Kihyun now staring at the older. Looking deep into Hyunwoo’s eyes.

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“ah, sorry” Hyunwoo darted his gaze. Now looking at his darkened tea.

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There are so many things that changed from the younger. Even his looks had slightly change. Kihyun become thinner. His browned hair now dyed black. Hyunwoo remembered Kihyun hates to color his hair black. He said it’s to dark and doesn’t represent his bubbly personality. Yet he chose to pick that color. Although Hyunwoo was dying to ask him why, he realized Kihyun was right. Why should he tell Hyunwoo about stuff happened to him? Hyunwoo doesn’t even has the right anymore. Oh, how Hyunwoo wanted to turn back time. Where Kihyun would always tell him about miniscule detail in his day like that one time when he accidentally put 2 spoons of sugar in his coffee instead of 3 like he always does.

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_"Runnin' in circles,_ _  
Comin' up tails,  
It's only science apart."_

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Hyunwoo had lost his mind the moment he realized he no longer has Kihyun with him. Naturally, he would drown his sorrow with being drunk, sleeping with different people almost every night. On one of his unlucky day, he would get home with bruised cheek or bloody nose from a fight he was involved in the club. Yet, he come back the next evening. Drinking, having one night stand, and even fighting another club guests.

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_"Nobody said it was easy,  
It's such a shame for us to part.  
Nobody said it was easy,  
No one ever said it would be this hard.  
Oh, take me back to the start."_

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Bleeding in his nose had stopped. Hyunwoo currently sat on his couch. With a help of his friend Hoseok, he finally home. Without Hoseok, Hyunwoo would have probably died laying on the freezing street.

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“Hyunwoo, please get yourself together. Your work is a mess, your life now a mess too. Please just let it go. Let Kihyun go. Give a piece to yourself. I know it won’t be easy.”

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Hyunwoo scoffed to the sentence from Hoseok that currently lingers in his mind. Yes, it’s not easy. But Hoseok forgot to mention that it is hard. Very hard that he felt suffocated. He is tired.

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_"I was just guessing,  
At numbers and figures,  
Pulling the puzzles apart."_

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7 years isn’t a short period to be together with someone. To share both pain and joy. They been through so many ups and down. Whenever Hyunwoo faced difficulties, Kihyun was the first person who had his back. Stood by him in all those hard times. That one time Hyunwoo’s business failed, Kihyun helped him by selling most of his stuff and give the money to Hyunwoo.

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Kihyun has always been a hard worker in his life. He spent all the pennies he got form his 3 jobs since he was in middle school. As he started to work as photographer, Kihyun started to get more income. He would saved up to buy watches from a expensive brand. He said watch makes his appearance to be more appreciated. And that why the petite man collects expensive watches. He treasures each of his watches. Collections he bought from his hard work. Yet he doesn’t even think twice to sell all those to help Hyunwoo even giving him his savings.

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When his business starting to rose, Hyunwoo was tempted to spent it to the club. Buying expensive drinks, spending money to strip shows, or even booking high price prostitute to spent the night with. Or what Hyunwoo would call as taking his mind of his responsibilities as CEO. Though Hyunwoo knows it was wrong, he believe Kihyun would just forgive him. It wasn’t just once that Kihyun had caught him in his disgraceful act. Yet he was always forgiven by his lover. And in the end, he had took Kihyun’s love for granted

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_"Questions of science,  
Science and progress,  
could not speak as loud as my heart."  
  
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November 22th is the day Hyunwoo used to look forward in a year. It was Kihyun’s birthday and their anniversary. During their difficult times, Hyunwoo would just bring them to a small restaurant to at least have a restaurant dinner. He never forget to bought a rose for Kihyun. Although the latter always protest, saying it a waste of money and that he preferred to have a home cook dinner, Hyunwoo insisted that they should do something a bit more special. And the smile in Kihyun’s face makes it all worth it.

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At the same date years later, Hyunwoo bailed from their little tradition. Abandoning his promise to go home early, he was seduced by one of the girl he usually booked to spent the night together. For a special show, she said.

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So when he ask people around him why Kihyun left, they would easily blamed him. He brought this on himself. They would always question why Hyunwoo would feel hurt, he should be feeling free to not tied up by someone. As if it was the first reason why Hyunwoo would acting up.

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But it just wasn’t right. He would never find the answer. He need to know why Kihyun didn’t forgive him that day too. Even ask himself why would he temped to broke his promise to have dinner on Kihyun’s birthday. And now, he is in pain. so much pain.

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_"Tell me you love me,  
Come back and haunt me,  
Oh, and I rush to the start."_

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“Ki, I still love you. I still do. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Please forgive me. Please take me back, Ki. I’m so sorry”

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Just like a mantra, Hyunwoo kept repeating the words over and over. His face buried in his palms. Crying his heart out. He could only wish Kihyun would forgive him. So that they can turn back time to the old days. Where everything is filled with love and happiness.

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“Just say you still love me Kihyun. I know you still do. I promise I’ll do everything you ask me. I’ll buy you expensive watches you likes. I’ll buy you the camera you wanted. Please just say it and let’s go back to the past.”

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_"Runnin' in circles,  
Chasin' tails,  
Comin' back as we are."_

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He mistook Kihyun’s gesture as a good sign. He misinterpreted Kihyun’s hug at that moment as a sign that Kihyun wanted him back. He misread Kihyun’s smile as a sign that Kihyun still love him.

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“Hyunwoo, I tried. I forgave you so many times. I have tried to turn back time numerous times. Yet for me, you have changed. Hyunwoo who was always by my side had left. Hyunwoo who appreciate my existence in his life had gone. And I think, it’s time for me to changed” Hyunwoo took a deep breath in every sentence Kihyun say. It was painful even just to hear it. Like a stab in his heart

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And the last sentence from the younger had choked him. Stopping his heartbeat for a split second. “There is no longer us, Hyunwoo. Not now, nor in the future. I’m seeing someone new. We planned to get engaged”

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_"Nobody said it was easy,_  
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.  
Nobody said it was easy,  
No one ever said it would be so hard.  
I'm goin' back to the start."

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If it was a heavy steps he took to get to Kihyun’s house. It was way heavier step he took to left that house. But Hyunwoo kept walking, even without a destination. As long as, he can be as far away from Kihyun.

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He was angry. At Kihyun for rejecting him. For Hoseok and everyone else who never tell him that it was this hard to lost Kihyun. And most especially to himself for being so stupid that he let Kihyun go in the first place.

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His long limbs stopped at the side of the Han river. The place where he has his first date with Kihyun. The place where he first opened his heart for someone else to hold. The place where they promised to stay by each other’s side. To have each other’s back.

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And now, after all those years, he finally come back. With a huge wound in his heart. A huge regret in his mind. Hyunwoo is there again. To go back to start. **Alone.**

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**Author's Note:**

> Please do let me know what you think guys, i would really appreaciate it!! :D


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